


The Pink Lars

by Gargant



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Implied Lars Barriga/Sadie Miller, SPOILERS FOR WANTED ARC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-11-07 10:23:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gargant/pseuds/Gargant
Summary: They're safe. They're back from Homeworld, and everything can go back to normal. Except Lars has a new normal now, and maybe he needs some help figuring out exactly what that means.Fortunately his best buddy Steven is always ready to lend a hand.(Completed! Written pre-season five.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Windian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windian/gifts).



> This is a non-canon interpretation of what life might be like for Lars after he manages to return from Homeworld. There are a lot of dark implications wrapped up in his current status quo, and I wanted to explore some of that while staying true to the levity and spirit of Steven Universe. I'm thinking of it as my own little Beach City episode, and hopefully I've succeeded so far! Expecting this to cap out at either three or four chapters. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> dedicating this one to Nina—thank you for watching the Wanted special with me, and thank you for your enthusiasm! I wouldn't have written this without you c:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven's surprised to discover Lars seems to have gone back to his usual surly self—but soon realises there's more to the situation than meets the eye.

It was too soon to say that everything had gone back to normal, but Steven was pretty confident in saying that things were finally starting to look good.

They hadn't heard anything from Homeworld in the weeks since their final escape. Rhodonite, Rutile and the others were all settling in well over at the Barn—Peridot had been real excited to reach them how to make art on purpose, and Lapis... well, she seemed pretty okay with it, Steven thought. Pearl had finally stopped panicking whenever he went out of her sight, although Steven had been doing his best to warn her before he went anywhere.

Yup. Everything was finally going back to normal. So when Steven marched into the Big Donut and Lars immediately rolled his eyes, it took Steven a second to remember that, wait, that reaction  _wasn't_ normal any more. "Uh, Lars?" Was all he managed to say before Lars had thrown his hands up in the air and snapped at Sadie.

"And now _Steven's_ here. Well that's just perfect, isn't it."

Steven faltered to a halt halfway toward the counter, hands balling up at his chest at the realisation that Lars was mad at him. Lars was _mad_ at him? But Lars hadn't been mad at him since— since Homeworld! This wasn't the kind of _everything going back to normal_ he'd been hoping for at all!

"Hey there, Steven," Sadie smiled at him with an awkward little wave of greeting. Lars muttered and turned his back to lean against the counter, and Sadie gave him a look that couldn't quite seem to decide if he was being adorable or obnoxious. "Don't mind him, he's just in a bad mood."

"I am _not_ just in a bad mood!" Lars immediately interrupted, crossing his arms sharply. "Don't talk for me, and don't talk to _him_ , either. This is all his fault anyways."

That was enough to make Steven indignant. "What? But I only just got here!"

Sadie's expression seemed to have settled on _he's being obnoxious_ , shooting Lars a withering look before she leant across the counter and motioned for Steven to come and grab a stool. Her encouraging smile lured Steven in, and he clambered up as she spoke. "Look, he's just mad because he got banned from his new favourite game. Don't take him seriously."

By the time Steven had finished getting comfortable Lars had spun back around and pointed an accusatory finger down at Sadie's face. "No, no, no! You're telling it all wrong. Look, just, shut up and let me tell it." Sadie rolled her eyes and magnanimously stepped aside, leaving Lars to speak. "So there I am, just playing my stupid game like any person would and then suddenly, bam! I get booted out! And I can't even log in any more! Because I've been _banned_ , Steven. And it's all because of you!"

Steven listened closely, turned it over in his thoughts, and... it still didn't make sense. "Lars, I didn't do anything! Stop yelling at me!"

Sadie's response was more pragmatic. "Did you try calling customer support?"

Lars scoffed irritably. "Of course I did. Do you think I'm an idiot? They said I'd been banned for _suspicious account activity_. What a joke! I didn't break any rules, I was just playing the game!"

"What kind of suspicious activity?" She asked, and then something in her expression went sly. "You weren't chatting in one of those illicit channels again, right?"

"I just said I wasn't!" Lars snapped, turning a shade even pinker than pink. "All I did was... Well..." He shuffled, and then spoke quickly enough that Steven almost failed to keep up. "I stayed in the same spot farming materials for fourteen hours straight. But that's not _that_ weird. Everyone farms stuff sometimes! That's how you _win_ , Sadie! But they thought I was a bot, or hacking, or... _something_ , and now my account's gone forever. Just like that! _Agh_!"

Steven hadn't been following this for a while, but at least one part of it made sense. "Lars, I didn't know you liked farming games!"

For some reason, Sadie winced. Lars's response was the most fiery glower yet.

"Fourteen hours, though?" Sadie said, before Lars could start raging. "Lars, that's all night! That's not normal!"

It had really looked like Lars was gonna yell some more, but then suddenly he seemed to deflate, slumping back against the cooler behind him. When he spoke his voice was moody and bitter, and it stung Steven's heart. "Yup, 'not normal'. That's me all right." He reached up to grab a lock of his brilliant pink hair, giving it a tug before letting his hand flop dejectedly back to his side. "Just doing the same stupid thing in the same stupid game all stupid night, and now I can't even do _that_ any more. Thanks again, Steven."

And _that_ was when Lars's accusation finally made some kind of sense. "Oh," Steven murmured, and jumped back down from the stool. "Oh, gosh, Lars. You still aren't getting tired, are you?"

It seemed like that was all the implication Sadie needed—she swung to look at Lars, one hand nervously covering her mouth. "Lars? You haven't slept at _all_ since you got back?"

Suddenly pinned by two looks of concern, Lars raised his hands defensively. "Whoa, don't get all, uh..." He shook his head, suddenly sheepish for someone who'd been yelling only a moment ago. "I mean, that's just the way it is now, right? Sorry, Steven." The words seemed to sigh out of Lars, taking the last of his anger with it. "It's not your fault. I mean, it _kinda_ is, but..."

Sadie looked quietly astonished at Lars's apology. But she hadn't been there, on Homeworld. She didn't get it yet. Steven swallowed, guilt lodging like a chunk of quartz in his chest as he spoke. "I've made things so difficult for you. I've been thinking about so much other stuff, but I didn't even stop to wonder what this must have been like for you."

"It's not _all_ bad," Lars began, but by then Steven had already made up his mind. Dashing around the counter, he grabbed Lars's hand between his own and started racing for the door. Lars stumbled after him with a jolted, "Hey, slow down! Steven!", but at least he didn't try to resist.

"I'm sorry, Sadie!" Steven threw back over his shoulder as they disappeared out the door. "I'm borrowing Lars for a while! Thanks, bye!"

"Wait, Steven!" She yelled after them, but by then they were halfway down the boardwalk. Left behind with only the donuts for company, Sadie bit her lip and wondered about everything Lars had told her since coming back from space—and wondered, too, about everything he was leaving unsaid.

Too much, it seemed.  _Just like always_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little bit of friendly persuasion Lars opens up. Listening is easy, but finding a way to help is a little trickier...

"Whoa, okay, stop! Steven, what's going on?!"

Stop. Spin. Hands on hips. Steven grinned up at Lars, feeling much better now that he had a plan of action. "I'm gonna help you, Lars. We're gonna get all this figured out."

"Right..." For some reason, Lars didn't sound convinced. "Look, it's not a big deal, okay?" They were down by the beach now, halfway back to the temple, another typical sunny afternoon for Beach City. When Lars abruptly sat down there was only the dull thwump of dry sand beneath him. Steven sat too, hoping that maybe this was a sign that Lars was ready to talk. "It's just..."

Steven nodded encouragingly, biting his tongue to keep himself from speaking first. _Come on, Lars, you can do it...! Talk to me...!_

"It's hard to find stuff to do, y'know? Everyone else sleeps. I can't. I've _tried_ , but I can't. And everything gets boring after a while. Especially when there's no one else around."

"Even baking?" Steven offered. Lars actually smiled at the suggestion, raking a hand through his pink hair.

"Yeah, I did that at first. Mom and Dad thought it was great, coming downstairs and finding cakes everywhere. But then they realised I used up all the eggs. And flour. And milk. And, well... pretty much everything, really. That stuff gets expensive, Steven."

"Oh, right. I hadn't thought of that."

"And besides... I don't want _that_ to get boring too." Lars swallowed, looking out across the sun-drenched ocean. When he spoke again, his voice was just a little bit smaller. "That's the scary part, you know? What if _everything_ I like just ends up... not being interesting any more?"

"Sadie'll always be interesting," Steven blurted before he could help himself, then immediately clasped his hands across his mouth. For a second he thought Lars was gonna get mad again... but in the end Lars just sighed, and gave a low little laugh.

"You're really hung up on that, huh?" He shrugged, looking as though he might say something else about it. But then he just laughed again. "But you know, I wasn't kidding before. It's really _not_ all bad. Just ask my Mom. She's never seen me do so much homework."

That was a school thing—Connie had told him all about it. Steven smiled brightly. "Hey, that's great! Homework's fun, right?"

Lars gave him a long look. "You really are a little weirdo, you know that? Not that _I'm_ one to talk any more."

"You're not weird. You're just a little different now, that's all. And besides," Steven added, with the same bright smile as before, "Gems don't sleep either, you know? I'm the only one who even has a bed at our house. So you're only weird if they are."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?" Lars grumbled, but then his expression seemed to sharpen a bit. "Wait, seriously? They don't sleep or eat or anything?"

"Nope!" Steven announced proudly—and then gasped, eyes shining and wide as something clicked into place. "Lars! You're a Crystal Gem!"

Steven was pretty sure it was the most amazing piece of news he could ever have given anyone, but Lars leapt to his feet with a look of horrified astonishment on his face. "What, no! No I'm not! I'm a person, Steven! A weird, pink, _person_!"

By then Steven had jumped up as well, hands clenched into excited fists. "But you're just like them! You don't eat, you don't sleep, and you protect people who can't protect themselves!"

Lars had looked ready to keep arguing, but something about those last words made him drop his guard. He stood there looking awkward and perhaps a little awestruck, one hand raising self-consciously toward the scar that ran over his eye. When he scoffed it was more than a little halfhearted. "That was different. I mean, if I ever saw someone in danger I'd _wanna_ help them, but... I'm not a hero, Steven. Not like you, or them." Steven opened his mouth to retort when Lars held a hand up, and said the one thing Steven knew he couldn't argue against. "And I don't _wanna_ be a hero. I just wanna be a normal guy. I wanna stay here and be with my Mom and Dad. I don't ever wanna make them worry like that again. And space was _not_ a good experience, Steven."

"I guess not," Steven sighed, and sank back down into the sand. He'd been so _sure_ he'd been on to a good idea...

Beside him, Lars settled back down as well. "Are you mad?" He asked. Steven looked up, surprised at the nervy tone to Lars's voice.

"Of course not! I just thought it might make you happy if there was someone else like you." Steven sighed. "I didn't mean to do this to you. I'm really sorry, Lars."

"Hey, don't be." Lars pulled one knee up to his chest and folded his arms across it, once again looking out toward the distant ocean horizon. His smile was back, rueful and small, but real. "I know you didn't have a whole lot of choice back there. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. I'm grateful, Steven. It's okay to be grateful and still find this whole thing strange, right?"

Sniffling, Steven managed another smile. "Yeah. It's okay."

They sat like that for a minute, Lars looking at the ocean and Steven looking at Lars. It really _was_  strange—he'd always wanted to be even better friends with Lars and now it seemed like that had finally happened, but this was so different to anything he'd ever imagined. He remembered being on the ship to Homeworld, and confessing how glad he was to have Lars with him, and felt that same lump of guilt knotting up inside him again. Lars had never asked for any of this...

"So..." Steven looked up, jolted from his thoughts by Lars's tentative voice. "Like... what do those gem ladies do when you're sleeping? Maybe they could... give me tips?"

"Lars!" Steven grinned, surprised he hadn't thought of that himself. "That's a great idea! Uh, let's see..." Steven sat up taller, listing off Important Gem Activities on his fingers as he spoke. "Well, they train in the temple." _One_. "And they go on secret missions." _Two_. "And, they, uh... um, they... Well, sometimes Pearl watches me sleep. I try not to think about that."

Lars's expression had gone very, very dry. "Dude. Seriously?"

"Well how should I know what they're doing! I'm sleeping!" Steven threw his hands up, exasperated at already losing this possible lead. "Maybe they... practice doing fusions?"

"Yeah, somehow I don't think that helps me."

"Well at least I'm _trying_ to think of an answer! Look, maybe you should give it a go."

Back at the Big Donut Lars had looked really irritated. Steven couldn't help but notice that he was starting to look that way again. "Give _what_ a go? Fusing? Get real, Steven."

Steven blinked, momentarily distracted by a possibility he hadn't even considered—and then shook his head rapidly, desperately trying to get the conversation back on track before Lars shut him off completely. "No, I mean training! If you have hair like Lion does, maybe you can do other Lion things too! You could try and figure it out!"

"And how am I supposed to do that!?" Lars grit between his teeth. "I don't even know what else your crazy Lion can do!" And once again Lars had climbed to his feet, but this time he turned to begin stalking away down the beach, waving one hand over his shoulder. "Look, forget it, Steven. I'll see you 'round."

"Nooo!" Steven wailed, flinging himself across the sand and grabbing Lars around one leg. The resulting tumble didn't seem like anything that was likely to improve Lars's already ailing mood, so Steven made sure to keep right on talking before Lars had the chance to spit out sand and start yelling at him. "Don't go yet! I said I was gonna help so I'm gonna help, I swear! I'll—" When inspiration struck, it struck so hard that Steven had to gulp for air. _Of course!_ "I'll take you to see Lion!"

Lars spat, but he didn't yell. "You'll _what_?"

"I should have done this sooner! Lars, come on. It's time for you to meet Lion." Steven clambered to his feet and looked down at Lars, doing everything he could to exude Confidence and Responsibility. Even so Lars's eyes darted away, looking as though he wanted nothing else to do with this. Steven thrust his hand forward into Lars's face, forcefully grabbing his attention. "Come on, Lars. Just... Trust me, okay?"

For a moment he still thought Lars was going to back out, but then Lars sighed and gripped Steven's hand with his own. "Fine." A second later, he muttered, "But that was a really cheap trick, you know."

"I know," Steven replied cheerfully, and dragged Lars back to his feet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, Lion isn't very talkative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your brilliant positive response to this fic. It means a tremendous amount to me, especially as this isn't a fandom I've written for prior to this—thank you all so much!
> 
> Looks like this story will be capping out at four chapters after all, so hopefully I'll have that last one up for you guys soon. In the mean time there's this new content, and I've also done some minor edits to the first two chapters (typos, mostly), and changed the tagging on this fic (romantic larsadie isn't all that present so I've dropped it from being a tagged pairing—but feel free to read them between the lines!).
> 
> Thank you again, all, and I hope you enjoy this update c:

When Steven had gone to visit the Big Donut, it had been with a late afternoon snack in mind. Now, as they arrived at the stretch of beach that ran beneath the Temple the sun was beginning to dip low to the horizon, the first few specks of starlight appearing high above them.

"Is one of them Homeworld, you think?" Lars murmured as they walked, his arm drawn nervously across his body. "Kinda creepy to think about that place just hanging there above us like that."

Steven's shrug wasn't unsympathetic. He'd had the same thought once before as well, before Pearl had set him straight. "Nah, Homeworld's way far away. We definitely can't see it from Earth. But Peridot told me how to spot Venus once. I'll show you later if you like."

"Uh, sure."

Satisfied with that answer, Steven planted his feet in the sand and looked left to right. No _sign_ of Lion, but... he draw in a deep lungful of air and hoped his buddy wouldn't leave him hanging for something as important as this. "Hey, Liooon!" He bellowed, at least loud enough to make Lars take a step back, and refused to stop until he was left panting for breath.

The silence that followed was... well, pretty typical. "Come on, Lion..." Steven grimaced, and gathered himself to try again when Lars suddenly gripped his shoulder.

"Steven!" He hissed, an edge in his voice that Steven hadn't heard since Homeworld. Startled, Steven whirled to see where Lars was pointing—and relaxed, laughing relief.

Next to the mailbox sat a boulder, and sprawled across that boulder sat Lion. Had he been there before? Steven wasn't certain, but he'd long since given up on trying to understand Lion's wonderful whims. The important thing was; "Lars, _that's_ Lion. Come on!" Steven skipped forward cheerfully, only slowing his pace when he noticed Lars's reluctance behind him. "He won't hurt you."

"You sure about that?" Lars muttered, sounding more than a little skittish about the whole thing, but nonetheless he followed. Pleased, Steven planted himself next to Lion's boulder and cleared his throat.

"Ahem! Lars, meet Lion. Lion, Lars." Steven bowed with a flourish. Lars approached nervously, stopping well short of Lion and giving a nervous little wave.

"You said he eats lizards, right?"

"Yep. And Lion Lickers. Definitely not people."

Lion's ear flickered at that. Slowly he rose, lumbering down from his shady spot to sit on the beach before them. Steven reached over to ruffle his mane, giving Lars a reassuring smile. "See? Totally friendly!"

"Huh..."

"Come on, you can pet him too!" Steven motioned encouragingly. "You're not the first human he's met. Connie's hung out with Lion tons of times. You'll be fine."

Maybe that was enough to finally reassure Lars, because he stepped another edge closer and reached out a tentative hand. "All right. Nice kitty..." The first touch was fleeting, but then Lars placed his palm cautiously flat against the fur above Lion's nose and held it there, frowning thoughtfully. Steven stared as well, at the place where Lars's fingers meshed against Lion's bright fur.

"You guys really _do_ match."

"Sure do." Lars withdrew his hand and turned it over, staring at his palm and flexing his fingers. When he reached again to stroke Lion's forehead his laughter was warm and cynical—old familiar Lars. "Guess I'm not the only zombie after all. Lucky me." Lars's hand stilled, his frown deepening. "So this guy... something bad happened to him, huh?"

"I guess so. I've been thinking about it, but, you know. He's a Lion. He can't speak."

"You mean that _isn't_ one of his freaky powers? Huh. Couldn't have guessed."

"I think my Mom must have brought him back." Steven continued, a line furrowing his brow as he spoke. It was something he'd been wondering about a lot these last few weeks, but never had a reason to say out loud. "She must have done for him the same thing I did for you."

"Hasn't your Mom been, y'know..." Lars withdrew his hand, clearly struggling for words. Steven swallowed, the knowledge more raw now than it had ever been.

"She hasn't been around since I was born."

Lars nodded awkwardly, then turned to look at Lion once more. "Kinda a while, huh..."

Lion stared, and Lars stared back—the two seemed to lock eyes for so long that Steven almost began to wonder if they were somehow communicating with one another, solemn and silent. But then Lars sighed and rocked back on his heels, hands resting on his hips. "Do _you_ ever get to sleep, big guy?"

The question was addessed to Lion, but Steven decided to go ahead and act as a interpreter. "Lion says... kind of? After all, he is always... _lion around_...?"

Lars had the audacity to groan, and Steven gave an indignant huff. What a waste! Connie would have loved that joke. His dad probably would have been laughing so hard he wheezed. Some people could be such barbarians. Resigned to Lars's savage lack of humour, Steven sighed and continued. "Seriously though, Lion does lie around a lot. I always figured he was sleeping, but maybe that was just his way of ignoring me?" Steven shot Lion a look, indulgent despite himself. "He's naughty, but I love him anyway."

Tentatively, Lars let his hand drift upwards to prod the edge of Lion's mane. When nothing happened he touched it a bit more firmly, burying his fingers into the thick pink fur. "And that wormhole thing—this is where it connects to?"  
  
"Yep. This is how I came back to Earth, and how I came out to visit you guys in the kindergarten."

Lars stayed silent for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was very quiet and very serious. "Steven?"

"Yeah?"

"This is weird."

Steven thought over everything that had happened in the last few months. "I'd say... this ranks somewhere around the middle of weird things that have happened." When Lars raised an eyebrow Steven hurriedly added, "But it was probably the scariest. Maybe. It was definitely one of them."

"You can say that again," Lars muttered, scratching his fingers deep into Lion's mane. His brow was knotted with thought, and the silence seemed like it was going to stretch again—some instinct told Steven to keep quiet and wait... and sure enough, when Lars finally spoke again it was in a rush of expression. "Everyone still treats me the same, and I get that that's a good thing. Like, of course, right? But I'm _not_ the same, Steven. There's so much that's different now, and I still don't even really get it, and I'm glad I'm still here but how am I supposed to try and make _sense_ of all this?! What am I supposed to tell my Mom, or Sadie, or anyone!"

"Lars..."

"I work in a donut shop and I don't even want to eat the stupid leftovers! Mom makes these waffles for breakfast, and—" Lars almost seemed to hiccup mid-sentence, dashing a hand across his eyes before gritting his teeth and carrying on. "They're, like, the best packet waffles you've ever tasted, but I'm not even _hungry_ any more. They still _taste_ good but it just isn't the same. And—" Suddenly Lars rounded on him, fists clenched, "And lions aren't supposed to live that long, Steven!"

Steven felt like he had been following up to that point, but his chest seemed to constrict at those words. "Huh? Wait, that's—"

"What happens if I end up living for ages too? Am I even gonna get older any more? Am I just... stuck like this forever?!" Lars's words had grown more and more frantic as he rushed through the emotions—now his hands came up to the sides of his head, fists uncurling and tears standing in his eyes. "Of course I've been freaking out, Steven! I don't even know what's gonna happen to me any more!"

When Steven blinked against his blurring vision, tears fell. And maybe something about that was reassuring, or maybe Lars couldn't have held back any more anyway—Steven flung his arms around Lars's waist with a cry of, "Lars, I'm sorry!", and then Lars was choking on a sob that he just couldn't seem to cope with, and by the time they'd both finally finished crying they were back on the sand again with arms around each other shoulders and tearstains on their cheeks.

It felt good. Terrible, the way misery always was, but good to have let it out. Steven winced around a smile when Lars gently but firmly pushed himself away, obviously embarrassed at the open flow of emotion they'd just shared.

"I'm sorry," He sniffed, and laughed at little when Steven shook his head. "You must be rubbing off on me. Can't believe I just did that..."

"I've seen you cry before you know," Steven reminded him with a helpful hint of teasing that he hoped might make Lars crack a smile. It worked—a little, at least.

"I was trying to forget." Lars's groaned the words, but the humour was still there. Steven grinned even though it made his eyes sting, and put his hand over Lars's own. Lars's fingers twitched, but he didn't pull away—when he spoke again he sounded all drained out, the way only a good cry could leave you. "I don't know how you live with it, Steven. All this crazy stuff happens to you, like, all the time! And you just... keep on going."

It sounded a bit like a compliment, but Steven had a bad feeling he was being used as something for Lars to beat himself up with. "Only because everyone supports me. Like Garnet and Pearl and Amethyst, and all you guys as well. If you all weren't here, I don't know what I'd do." Steven tilted his head back, taking in the upside-down view of the temple looming above them, and the stars gleaming high overhead. "Besides, I've had a lot longer to get used to this stuff. And the truth is... it _does_  still gets to me. Actually..." Was it safe to admit it? Here, with Lars? Steven sighed. "It gets to me all the time."

Lars looked at him for a moment before folding his legs and offering an awkward smile. "You, uh, wanna talk about it?"

Steven smiled in response, touched by the effort. "Thanks, Lars. But I don't wanna bother you any more. I've caused you enough trouble already."

"Oh, shut up, Steven," Lars snapped, and shoved him—rough, but playful. Somehow, it was exactly what Steven needed—laughing despite himself, he shoved Lars right back... and winced as Lars flopped back into the sand with an undignified "Oof!" and a surprised glower.

"Uh, sorry! I guess I don't know my own strength sometimes." Apologetic, Steven yanked him back upright, and then they were sitting together again on the sands of Beach City, just like a few hours before. Wistfully, Lars stared down at the palm of his own hand.

"I just can't believe I have some whole other place inside my head. Like, a whole literal headspace thing. And I can't even see what it looks like." He sighed, heavily, shrugging his thin shoulders. "Doesn't seem fair, is all."

Behind them, a low rumble reminded them of its presence.

Lars scrambled to his feet in an instant with a petrified yelp, but Steven knew better than to be alarmed. "Lion?" He asked, turning around on his knees in the sand, and watched with a frown as Lion lowered his muzzle, front paws flattening to the ground as he dipped his head in something like a bow. He only did that when... Steven's eyes widened. "You wanna show me something? No, wait, you want to show _us_ something... Oh!" Steven gasped. "You want me to show Lars!"

Lion huffed, and said no more.

Steven clambered to his feet, infused with fresh new energy. "Lars, you _can_ see what it looks like. I mean, I won't make you, it's your choice, I promise. But look—this is Lion's way of saying it's okay."

"His way of saying _what's_ okay?" Lars asked, exasperated, but then he suddenly seemed to understand. Steven watched as Lars turned to gaze at Lion, his eyes round and nervous. "Wait, you mean... go in _there_? That place that connects to me? Does that even work?"

"Lion seems to think so," Steven replied thoughtfully. "And he's never been wrong before." Reassured by his own response, Steven nodded firmly. "Yeah, it'll work. All you gotta do is hold your breath and stick close to me. Got it?"

In front of them, Lion's headed dipped an inch lower... and Lars lifted his chin in response, jaw setting with determination. "Right. I mean, right! Okay." He took a deep breath, puffing out his chest. "Let's do this thing."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the long wait on this one! gotta get it in here before the hiatus ends and makes all of this non-canon though!! haha, just have fun with it, and thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and enjoying!

Steven had done everything he could to explain what Lars should expect, but in the end there wasn't anything you could do except plunge into Lion's mane and experience it for yourself.

 _You won't be able to breathe,_ Steven had warned him, but that couldn't stop Lars from choking on a soundless gasp before clapping his hands over his mouth, eyes wide and bewildered. Steven could understand that look—he was pretty bewildered _his_ first time here as well. Not sure what else he could do, Steven patted Lars's chest encouragingly.

If he needed to drag them both back out again he was prepared to do that. But instead Lars pushed his hands back through his hair and straightened to his full height, making all the motions of drawing a deep and calming breath even though he couldn't  actually do so—a meditative motion that Steven thought Garnet would approve of.

Where Steven had always found the grass... fur... to nestle just beneath his chin, Lars stood head and shoulders above it. He spun slowly on the spot, staring first at the limitless horizon before turning to focus on the closest island—Rose Quartz's island. _Mom's island_ . When Lars pointed—first at his own chest and then toward the island, _can I go there?_ —Steven suddenly found himself confronted by a thought he hadn't considered.

Was this okay?

He'd been so concerned with Lars that he hadn't paused to consider what his mom would think of this. Steven frowned, one hand rubbing nervously over the other. Was this disrespectful? Was this wrong?

But Lars was here, and Lars needed this. Rose Quartz _wasn't_ here, and he had no idea what she needed. Steven's head drooped low, the thoughts plaguing him heavy and uncomfortable... but then suddenly he had hands on his shoulders, and Lars was crouching in front of him, looking self-conscious and awkward but also perplexed and concerned. _You okay_? Lars seemed to ask, with raised hands and eyebrows drawn together. For a moment Steven's lip trembled, but then he nodded, and gave a firm smile.

Lars _did_ need this. Right now, that was more important.

Settled, Steven tapped Lars's wrist and motioned for him to follow, wadding away through the pink expanse and listening for the ruffle of Lars following along behind him. Stepping onto the island was always just a little bit reassuring—it was good to have something undeniably solid beneath your feet. Unable to say anything in the muffled space, Steven gave a little welcoming flourish and spread his arms wide. Lars followed more cautiously, making a few tentative stamping motions with one foot as he walked across the island.

 _See, everything's okay!_ Steven tried to gesture with a broad motion. Lars gave him a blank look, before wandering up the hill to look at the tree more closely. Steven followed a few steps behind, happy to let Lars lead the way now that he seemed to be getting the hang of things.

Which was fine, at first. He watched Lars run curious fingers over the tree bark, watched him circle the trunk and reach up to touch the low hanging branches. By the time Lars had begun motioning curiously at the tattered flag of the rebellion, Steven was feeling just the _teeniest_ bit lightheaded. And when Lars eventually noticed the Mr. Universe t-shirt, running his fingers around the old seams, Steven was certain that those flashing lights in his vision really _weren't_ supposed to be there.

Too desperate to be gentle about it, Steven grabbed Lars's arm and barreled back down the slope, diving into the pink—

—and planting them both face first back into the beach. Behind them, Lion gave an affronted shake of his mane.

"Ste—" Lars spat a mouthful of sand and started again, "Steven! What gives?!"

Swallowing down great lungfuls of sweet, sweet air, Steven struggled to respond. "Air!" He gasped emphatically, "Breathe! Important!" After another few seconds Steven had his breathing under control enough to make a real sentence. "I had no idea you could hold your breath so long, Lars!"

"Huh?" Lars blinked at him. "Dude, I wasn't even trying." He sat up, then climbed slowly back to his feet, eyes widening as the implication of Steven's words seemed to settle in his thoughts. "Wait, how long were we even in there? Did I do something freaky again?!"

"Um." Faced with Lars's obvious dismay but not wanting to lie, Steven gave a friendly shrug. "Maybe a little? But it's fine. You know, just think of all the great things you can do if you don't need to breathe any more!"

" _What!?_ " Lars shrieked. Steven winced. Maybe he needed to work on his pep talks. "Steven, what are you talking about? I _breathe_ , Steven! I breathe all the time! How else could I be talking to you?"

"Oh. I guess that's—"

But by then Lars was inhaling a huge mouthful of air, hands pressed flat against his own chest as if showing the motion of it would somehow make it more real. "See?" He said, in a voice that was probably supposed to sound reassured. "That was breathing. Right?"

"Right," Steven replied firmly, trying to squash his guilt at bringing it up in the first place. Struck by a flash of inspiration, Steven balled his fists in front of his chest and smiled up at Lars. "Wait, I know! You're like a sloth!" Lars looked as though he was about to take that as an insult, so Steven rushed into his explanation. "They make their heartbeat go _real_ slow, and then they can hold their breath for a really long time! That's just like you, Lars!" It was a revelation, an all-important question finally answered. "Sloths _are_ better than koalas!"

"Sure, except sloths sleep, like, _all the time_ ," Lars replied flatly, before waving his hand in dismissal of the topic. "Look, it's fine, okay? I'm weird now, I get it. You know what? I'm not even surprised any more."

When Lars turned away Steven's heart sank... but then Lars reached out to stroke Lion's nose, and when he spoke again his voice was very quiet and very uncertain. "But Steven, that place, it was..." Steven trod back to Lion's side, watching as Lars shoved his other hand roughly through his own hair as though he expected to find a tree hidden in there. His mouth was open, a sense of nervous awe hanging around him. "It's amazing. Like, I dunno what I was expecting, but... How can a place like that be inside _my_ head? It's so... _peaceful_."

"Yeah," Steven responded with a smile. "Maybe that's why my mom put so much stuff in there."

"Like that flag, and the t-shirt? What even _is_ that stuff?"

"Well, the flag is from back when my mom led the rebellion against Homeworld. Pearl told me that they would carry it into battle sometimes. I guess that's why it's all beat up like that." It was hard to imagine now—the thought made him cold all over. Steven quickly hurried on. "And the shirt belonged to my dad! I don't think he'd fit it any more."

"Heh. The ole 'stealing your boyfriend's shirt' trick, huh?" For some reason, Lars was grinning. "Guess she wasn't so different to us humans after all."

Steven had no idea what the 'stealing your boyfriend's shirt' trick was, but there was something so unexpectedly comforting about Lars's words that for a moment he didn't know what to say. Maybe Lars noticed his hesitation—he glanced pointedly away, embarrassment managing to show even on his pink cheeks. Steven dashed a hand across his eyes and found his words. "Dad says she used to get stuff wrong all the time, but not in a bad way. If she's anything like Amethyst or Pearl then... yeah. I'd believe it."

Lars chuckled again. "Sounds pretty human to me," He said wryly, finally pulling his hand away from Lion to rub the back of his neck. "That other tree in there, the one on the other island. That's _my_ tree, right?"

"I think so. It wasn't there before, uh, Homeworld happened." That seemed like the safest way to talk about it. "Whenever I go into your head, that's where I end up."

Lars sighed, eyebrows raised. "That isn't ever going to stop sounding crazy, is it?"

Steven thought about it for a moment. "Probably not," He agreed.

When Lars nodded it was with the firmness of someone finally making a decision. "Steven, if that tree in there is _my_ tree, I wanna go see it. Take me back in, okay?"

And wasn't that the whole point of taking Lars to see Lion in the first place? To help him understand this? Steven couldn't really ignore that, and yet... "I don't know if I can hold my breath that long. Usually when I get over there I come out and get my breath back, but, uh... If you're in there too, then I'm not sure what would happen."

Steven watched Lars considering the logistics. "Uh, yeah. Let's not try that."

Steven nodded, frowning. "I don't know if I could go from mom's island to yours and back again without stopping for air. I'm sorry, Lars."

But Lars wasn't prepared to be dissuaded so easily. "Fine then. I'll go, and you can just wait behind." With that same wry expression from before, he added, "I mean, I'm a sloth, right? Should be easy for me."

"How are you gonna get back out of Lion without me, though?" Steven balked. But Lars only reached into his pocket and proudly produced his cellphone.

"Look, I'll just call you to come and get me," He said with so much confidence that Steven almost found himself agreeing. Instead he cleared his throat, and tried his best to adopt a Thinking-Like-Pearl-Would-Think voice.

"If you call me from inside Lion you still won't be able to speak." Lars's face fell—Steven winced as he added, "And I don't think Lion has good reception. He's not part of my phone plan."

"Oh. Right." Lars shoved his phone back into his ripped jeans, embarrassment colouring his frustration. "Then... put me on a time limit or something, okay? Just take me in there and come back for me in ten minutes. That'll work, right?"

"Well..." Steven crossed his arms and hunched his shoulders, consulting the Thinking-Voice. "That _sounds_ like a Pearl-proof plan..."

"Steven, _please_." Steven glanced back up, taken aback by the openly pleading tone to Lars's voice. "I just wanna make this make sense, okay? I won't ask you to do anything else. Just let me go do this, okay?"

It reminded Steven so much of his early days living with the Crystal Gems, pleading to go on missions and desperately trying to find ways to prove himself. This was all new to Lars, just like it had all been new to him back in those first weeks and months of living in the temple. He'd known, sort of academically, how they'd always been trying to look out for him—how they'd only ever refused him because they were concerned for his safety.

Somehow, looking up at Lars, Steven thought that maybe he understood their feelings a little better now/

"Alright. But are you sure you can hold your breath that long? Ten minutes seems like a long time. Shouldn't we test it out first?"

And that was how the two of them ended up standing in silence beneath the twilight sky for the most excrutiatingly boring ten minutes of Steven Universe's life.

Well, more like seven minutes. It was somewhere around there that Steven finally threw his hands in the air and wailed, "Okay, fine, I believe you! You can go!"

"Hah!" Lars laughed, finally breaking his silence and punching the air. "Forget ten minutes, I could do this forever! I mean, I don't know why I ever _would_ , but..."

"See, I told you it was cool," Steven grinned, before reaching out to take hold of Lars's wrist. "Okay, Lion. We're ready."

After all his pleading and hoping, Lars seemed to hesitate when it finally came time for him to walk out into the pink and cross from one island to the next. Steven, cheeks puffed out from his own held breath, waved Lars off cheerfully and watched as his friend slowly picked his way across the open expanse. It was a journey that had come to seem as vast as galaxies, the distance between the safety of Earth and the danger of Homeworld—but now it was simply the space between Lion and Lars; maybe even just the space between his mom and himself.

When he looked at it that way, it didn't seem quite so bad. Steven watched for as long as he could, then dove back out into the cool evening air of Beach City.

"They grow up so fast," He reminisced to Lion, who yawned and sat down with a hefty thump. Steven gave a little sigh of agreement—when had it gotten so late?—and sat down with him, dragging his fingers through the sand beneath his palms.

He was gonna have to apologise to Sadie tomorrow for stealing Lars. And he was gonna have to apologise to Lars, too. He'd said he'd find some way to help, but so far he hadn't done much but talk about stuff. Steven knew better than anyone just how important that could be—Garnet had taught him that, and Stevonnie had helped the lesson stick—but even so it didn't feel like enough.

Maybe he'd have to get some advice from Pearl. Or maybe someone else, someone who'd had to change to a whole new way of living. Lapis, perhaps, or Peridot. Steven stifled a thoughtful yawn.

Maybe he just needed to talk to dad. There had never been a problem too big for Greg Universe......

Had it been ten minutes yet? Steven thought so. "Just a sec, buddy," He warned Lion before unceremoniously plunging his head into Lion's mane.

It took a second to adjust to the change in directions, but then he spotted Lars's island. And there was Lars, still sitting over there and looking like he wasn't planning to move any time soon. Steven waved his arms frantically, and eventually managed to grab Lars's distracted attention—Lars held up one hand with his fingers splayed wide and then went back to staring out into the distance. Exasperated, Steven ducked back out.

"Five more minutes? Is that what that means?" Steven huffed, unimpressed, and let Lion see his most disapproving expression. "Kids these days, right, pal? They never do what you tell 'em to."

Lion gave him a very long and very measured look, which Steven decided not to read anything into.

Five minutes later Lars waved him off again. Steven crawled back out from Lion's mane with an impatient groan, thumping back onto the sand and kicking his arms and legs out in a helpless tantrum. Helping people felt a lot different when you actually got to be _part_ of it. Next to him, Lion yawned and lay down, head cushioned on his huge front paws.

"Me too, buddy," Steven agreed, suppressing a yawn of his own. "Just five more minutes."

He could wait. For Lars's sake, he could wait...  


 

"Tough day, huh Steven?" A voice said, and Steven jolted awake. Leaning over him, with her hands thrust deep in her pockets and the stars twinkling behind her, stood Sadie. 

"Yeah," He agreed, pushing away from Lion with a thick yawn. "What are you doing here?"

Sadie shrugged, her smile flattening away to a disappointed frown. "Well it looks like I'm wasting my time. I needed to give something to Lars, and I figured he'd still be with _you_ , but—"

 _Oh._ Steven couldn't remember ever leaping to his feet so quickly in all his life. "Lars! I mean, uh, sorry Sadie! I'll be right back!"

"Steven, what's wro— whoa!" Sadie yelped in astonishment and leapt backwards as Steven thrust himself face first directly into Lion.

It wasn't exactly the most graceful thing he'd ever done, but Steven didn't have time for elegance _or_ explanations. Instead he clambered up through the pink of Lion's mane, pushing himself above the surface and quickly gaining his bearings. Lars's tree was off to his right, lonely and deserted. Ahead of him was Rose's island, and _there_ , looking bored and impatient but absolutely safe and not at all suffocated, sat Lars.

 _Whew_ . Steven waved, only a little bit frantically. Lars responded by flinging his arms wide, a gesture that seemed to say _Where were you?_ , but nonethless he clambered back to his feet and picked his way over to Steven's side. Steven smiled what he hoped was his most adorable apologetic smile, took Lars by the wrist, and tried to think of a better excuse than _Lion's fur is really_ **_really_ ** _comfy._

Lars didn't give him much time to think. "What the hell, Steven!" Lars blurted as soon as they emerged back onto the beach, and Steven was just about to start wringing his hands when Lars suddenly snapped back to his full height and yelped, " _Sadie?"_

Which was just the sort of distraction Steven needed to save himself. "Yeah, it's Sadie! Yay Sadie!" He crowed cheerfully, bouncing between the two and smiling up at each of them. "You've got something to give Lars, right?"

Sadie's eyes had gone very, very wide. "Yeah, um... you just came out of a lion, though?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah. That's, uh..." Lars rubbed at the back of his neck, shooting Steven a desperate glance. "Help me out with the weird space stuff, would you?!"

"Oh!" Steven smiled at Sadie. This was something he knew how to explain! "See, Lion's mane and Lars's hair are connected like a magical portal through time and space! Because they both—" Steven suddenly gulped down the next part of his explanation, almost too late. It wasn't really a secret, but that didn't mean he had to _say_ it. Sadie raised her eyebrows, and Steven hurried on. "Uh, because they both have pink magic. Anyway, it means I can go through Lion, and come out of Lars! I'll show you!"

"No!" Lars immediately interrupted, throwing himself between Steven and Lion with his arms spread like a barrier. "Not _necessary_ , Steven!" He added in a hissing whisper, cheeks glowing pinker than ever. Steven took it in stride.

"Some other time then. Next time you guys are hanging out together I'll just hop into Lion's mane and then, ta da!! I'll be right there with you guys in no time!"

"Don't _ever_ do that!" Lars all but shrieked, right at the same moment that a blushing Sadie yelped, "No way, Steven! Give us some— I mean, give people some privacy! I mean, at least let Lars have some warning first!"

Which seemed super boring to Steven, but if they were both agreeing then he couldn't really argue. "If you really wanna miss out on my company _that_ badly..." He paused expectantly, waiting for one of them to jump in with a change-of-heart at the thought of losing Quality Steven Time. When neither of them said anything, Steven sighed. "Fine. No visits without warning first."

And just when it seemed like things couldn't get worse, they did. "Seriously Steven," Lars said, scowl now firmly in place. "Where _were_ you back there? I was waiting for hours!"

"Hours?!" Steven yelped, looking up at the sky for some clue as to how much time had passed. It _was_ fully night-time now...

Lars shrugged, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Well it _felt_ like hours, anyway. Look, it's fine, just... I should probably head home. My folks get all freaked out when they don't know where I am." He rolled his eyes, giving Sadie a knowing sort of look. "Probably think I'm gonna get abducted again or something. Parents, right?"

"Right," Sadie nodded, as though it was something she perfectly understood. But Steven could see the way she wrung her hands nervously behind her back; the way Lars had glanced away self-consciously. Why was it so hard for them to just be open about their feelings...!

But then Sadie suddenly seemed to remember something, digging into her pocket and pulling out a pair of keys attached to a misshapen loop. "Oh, right. I came to give you these. You're supposed to be opening up shop tomorrow, remember?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," Lars grumbled, but he took the keys with something a little like a smile. Then he looked at Steven, an edge of hesitance in his voice as he glanced across to Sadie and then back again. "So, like... I'm gonna go. But about today..." He went quiet, grasping for words and turning progressively pinker. Beside him, Sadie took a quiet step backwards, her expression subdued and attentive.

When Lars still stayed quiet, Steven broke the silence. "I'm sorry," He said, and lowered his head. "I said I was gonna help today, but in the end I couldn't do much. I'm really sorry, Lars."

"Oh, shut up," Lars snapped. Steven looked up, wide-eyed and prepared to see another angry scowl; but instead Lars was smiling. Awkwardly, maybe a little nervously, but it was definitely a smile. "Look Steven... I don't think this is one of those things anyone can fix in just a day. And you shouldn't be trying. You spend, like, _way_ too much time worrying about me, you know. It's kinda creepy."

"Is it? I mean, do I?" Steven asked meekly. But Lars just smirked.

"It totally is. But seriously, today? It was... well... it was good, okay? Like, better than I expected. And, uh..." He reached up, dragging one hand through his pink hair in a nervous gesture before letting the words out in an embarrassed flurry. "If it's okay with you and it's okay with Lion and all, can come back sometimes? Like, just to hang out with my tree and stuff? I know that sounds totally weird—"

"No it doesn't!" Steven interrupted, sincere and reassuring, but Lars carried right on talking.

"—but it was just... it's really hard to explain, okay? But it's nice in there. Like I could just forget everything for a while. Like... being asleep, except without the sleeping."

Still standing behind Lars, Sadie's smile had gone very fond, and very sad. Steven smiled as well, his heart swelling. Maybe this hadn't been for nothing after all.

"If it's okay with Lion, it's okay with me," Steven said.

And beside them Lion suddenly stood, his narrow eyes fixed on Lars. Sadie immediately leapt forward, throwing one arm in front of Lars as if to protect him. Steven's heart secretly swelled at the sight. But Lars stayed firmly in place, meeting Lion's gaze with his chin held high and his expression bold, determined. Undeterred. Slowly Sadie lowered her guard once more, watching the pair with open fascination. "Lars?" She asked quietly.

Unceremoniously, Lion flopped down with a puff of sand, rolled onto his back, and let his paws hang prone and kitten-like over the bulk of his body. Lars's sigh of relief was enough that his entire body seemed to deflate with it—Sadie put an arm around his waist, and for once Lars didn't seem to care that Steven was watching.

"Geez," He said, shaking his head. "Had me worried for a sec there."

"That's cats for ya," Sadie laughed in response, though Steven thought she _still_ looked a little bit nervous as she glanced back over at Lion.

"I think that was a yes," Steven translated, and grinned.

He hadn't solved Lars's problems—Steven was pretty sure he hadn't even come close—but when Lars actually grinned back at him Steven decided today hadn't been such a disaster after all. Maybe he _couldn't_ fix this in a single day, and maybe he _did_ worry about Lars too much. But that was okay. One day at a time was good enough if it meant he could get his friend smiling again.


	5. epilogue

"Y'know," Sadie said as she put Steven's change into the cash register and looking for all the world as if the conversation didn't matter to her even one little bit. "If you miss playing your game _that_ much, you can always come and play it at my place."

"What? Sadie, that's—" Lars leapt to his feet, expression practically shining. "That's brilliant! I'll just use _your_ account! Why didn't I think of that sooner! I mean, I'll have to start over again, but—"

"Not so fast there, mister!" Sadie interrupted with so much force that Lars actually stopped short. "First of all, I'm setting some ground rules. First, you're not allowed to do anything that gets _me_ in trouble. If you screw up my account, you're paying me back."

"Fine, fine!" Lars agreed, clasping his hands together in a desperate plea. "I swear I won't mess it up. C'mon Sadie, pleeease!"

Steven, sipping his way through a can of the most refreshing apple soda, couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Sadie looking so nefariously pleased with herself.

"Second rule, you provide snacks." Lars nodded again, looking like he was about to explode with excitement. Sadie folded her arms, looked him up and down, and... smiled. "And from now on, _I_ get to be player one."

"What?!" Lars practically shrieked. "No, that's not fair! You've always been P2! That's just the way it works! You can't go changing things up now! C'mon Sadie, what do you think—"

"That's the way it's gonna be, Lars, take it or leave it. It's player two, or game over."

Steven could still hear Lars's desperate negotiations as he headed out the door and back down the boardwalk. Maybe everything couldn't go back to how it was before Homeworld ever happened, but maybe this _new_ normal was something they could all get used to. Even Lars.

 

* * *

 

"So I thought about it a whole lot. I've got this old family recipe book—"

"The secret one that's under your mattress!"

Lars grinned for a second, rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh, right. I guess you _did_ see it that time. Yeah, that's the one. I thought about giving you that, but then I wouldn't be able to use it. Everything else I own is just junk. I mean, it's _my_ junk, but it's not really part of _me_ , you know? So I thought about the stuff your mom put up on _her_ tree. And, well..." At last Lars reached into his bag and pulled out a bundled up shirt. It wasn't folded—it didn't even look clean. Lars held it out in one clenched hand.

"Ohmigosh!" Steven yelped, grabbing the shirt and unrolling it. "One of Sadie's shirts, just like Mom has one of Dad's!"

"What, no!" Lars protested, voice rising in pitch. "I'm not gonna steal her clothes you weirdo! It's—"

But by then Steven was holding the shirt out in front of him, taking in all the familiar frays and tears. Lars went quiet, embarrassment taking on a more awkward, self-conscious edge. Steven gathered the fabric close, running his fingers along the skull motif in the centre and the jagged slash that cut through it.

"It seems weird to throw it away," Lars confessed in a quiet voice. "But I don't like keeping it around where Mom or Dad might see it. I think it'd upset them again. But I thought, maybe if I kept it with my tree— you don't think it's stupid, do you?"

Steven met Lars's gaze—Lars, looking at _him_ for approval—and smiled a bright, honest smile. "Nope. I think it's perfect."


End file.
